Shadows
by B2017
Summary: Amelia and Link the night/morning after at the conference and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

"You're not freaking out on me over there are you?" His voice punctuated the darkness, interrupting her thoughts.

She was silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say. It wasn't that she hadn't enjoyed it. She'd more than enjoyed it, but now the silent fear was creeping in. She was Amelia Shephard- a drug addict, total mess and fundamentally incapable of being loved. That last one had been floating around in her head ever since Owen had said the words and she was finding it impossible to escape from. Link, on the other hand, was a good guy. He was trying to do something good, to enact some positive from his mistakes. He didn't need someone like her to hold him back. Not someone who was incapable of being loved.

"Nope." She answered slowly, realizing he was still waiting for her to say something. It was pitch black in the hotel room but she could feel his eyes on her.

The mattress shifted and for a moment she thought he was going to leave. She had to stop herself from reaching out to grab him, reminding herself that they'd agreed that this wasn't going to be a thing. She'd said the words herself, she had no right to ask him to stay.

What she hadn't been prepared for him to do was turn on the light so he could look at her properly. She screwed her eyes up, trying to block out the sudden and harsh intrusion of the bedside lamp. "What?" She demanded, squinting at him as her eyes adjusted.

He was just sitting there bolt upright, still naked, and looking at her like he was waiting for an answer. "I don't know, you tell me?"

She shook her head. "This wasn't our deal." She clutched the sheets around herself, trying to make sure she kept herself covered. It was stupid. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it all earlier, but suddenly she found herself feeling exposed and vulnerable under his gaze.

"No." He agreed. "But we've still got to work together when we get back to Seattle. So if you're going to freak out and decide that you regret what happened then we need to deal with that." She saw something flicker across his face, the emotion passing so briefly she didn't get a chance to figure out quite what it was. Sadness? Regret maybe?

"I'm fine, really. I don't regret what happened." She forced a smile. "I'm not going to be weird with you when we get back, don't panic."

"Are you going to go back to avoiding me instead?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

She opened her mouth to speak and no words came out. Why had she blurted out the fact she'd been avoiding him in the first place? "I…. Can we just leave it?" She suggested.

"Why don't you just tell me what it is that's bothering you? Then I'll leave it." He countered.

"Because… Because I.." She faltered, trying to think up a half-decent excuse. Looking at that chiseled face of his was not helping her one bit. She looked back down at her hands again, anything to avoid his gaze. "You really don't want to know." She settled for in the end.

As she stared down at her hands his slowly inched across until it was intertwined with hers. "Yes, I do." He said seriously. "Look I get that you've got that whole complicated situation going on with Betty and Owen and you're not looking for anything serious, that's fine by me. But does that really mean that we can't be friends?"

She chewed on her bottom lip, looking up at him, and then back down at their interlinked fingers. "I'm a drug addict." She blurted the words out in the end. To his credit when she braved a quick glance back up at his face his expression hadn't changed. "I'm a drug addict and I've spent two whole days here listening to all these people talking about all these alternative methods and all I could think about for the moment is how much I'd like some drugs. I'm a mess okay, don't say I didn't try to warn you."

He was quiet for a moment, she braced herself, waiting for him to pull his hand away and leave. "I guess that would explain your reaction in my lecture earlier. There was me thinking it was just that you hated me." He joked, eliciting a sort of half smile from her.

"I've spent months and months trying to be strong for Betty and then… she just went back with her parents and I don't know… It's like I haven't got a purpose anymore or something." She mumbled, feeling more than a little uncomfortable that she was spilling all this to someone she barely knew.

"You're allowed to grieve, I know she's not dead but you still lost her." He said softly. "It's going to take you some time to adjust, but that's okay. It's all part of the process."

"My baby died." It came out as a barely audible whisper. "My baby died and I always said I'd never have another child, didn't want to run the risk of losing another one. It was all too much. And then I lost Betty too."

"You didn't lose her, you saved her life." He let go of her hand so he could wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her towards him. "You saved her life and helped her get back on track. You did a good thing, Shephard. You're a good person."

"No." She shook her head, pulling herself free from his arms and scooting to the edge of the bed. "I'm not a good person and you need to leave."

"Amelia." He tried to reason with her. "Come on, let's just talk about this?"

She grabbed the robe that was hanging beside the bed and pulled it on to cover herself before climbing out of bed. "Can you just go? Please?" She asked again, looking down at the floor.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked softly as he pulled his clothes back on. He wasn't entirely sure he should be leaving her in this kind of state but he wasn't going to try and force her to talk to him either.

"I'm fine." Her voice was tight and she didn't look up at him.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then?" He hesitated by the door, looking back at her as she sat back down on the bed, pulling her robe tighter around herself.

She glanced up at him, looking away as she met his eye and then nodded slightly.

"Okay then." He mumbled. "I'm just down the hall if you do decide you want to talk. Room 319. You've got my number too. Any time, I really won't mind."

She didn't look up at him or acknowledge that he'd spoken as he opened the door.

"I'm sorry." She called softly as the door closed behind him.

Then it was just her, left alone with her thoughts once again.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! This is my first attempt at writing for Grey's so please let me know what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

It turned out that trying to avoid Owen and Link while working in the same building was really, really hard work. It felt like every time she went around the corner one of them, or occasionally both of them, were stood there.

She'd managed to avoid Link for four days. She hadn't slept after he'd left her hotel room that night. She'd laid there tossing and turning for a couple of hours, running through things over and over again. Eventually, she'd given up, grabbing her things and heading to the airport to get on the first flight home. She'd lied and told Meredith that the conference wasn't worth staying for. Then she'd headed back to work and her mission to avoid him had begun.

It would've been fine had Tom not have called in sick. It had left her with no choice but to answer Link's page to the pit. She'd been sending Tom down there in her place all week- something he'd teased her relentlessly about- so she wouldn't have to work with Link. She'd been unable to hold back the groan of frustration when the page came through and she saw what it was. Meredith had raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously before Amelia turned around and dragged herself towards the ER.

"What have you got?" She asked, walking into trauma one. She kept her eyes fixed on the patient, or at least she tried. She was acutely aware of Link's gaze burning into her skin. "Dr. Kim?" She asked, looking up at him when Link didn't answer her.

"Pedestrian vs. Bus." He explained. "She was KO'd for about five minutes, left femur fracture… Otherwise, she got off pretty lightly."

She nodded, turning her back on Link and starting to examine the patient. "Okay, can you get a CT and page me when it's done? I want to have a look before you take her into surgery."

Dr. Kim nodded in agreement and Amelia let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't until she turned to leave and was almost out of the door that Link moved. "Dr. Shepard, can I speak to you please?" He asked, following her out of the door.

"Actually, I-" She started, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the supply closet behind them before she had a chance to argue with him. "What are you doing?"

"You've been avoiding me for days and it needs to stop." He told her.

She shifted uncomfortably, trying to put some distance between the two of them. It wasn't easy given the tiny little closet they were standing in. The smell of his cologne filled the air around them and for a moment all she could think about was that night at the conference.

"I've not been avoiding you." She muttered, still not looking up at him.

"No, you've just been deliberately not being in the same place as me, sending Koracick to all my consults and not answering my calls." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Something like that." She muttered under her breath, finally looking up at him.

"So, come on then. Whatever it is just get it off your chest?" He challenged, leaning back against the shelves behind him.

"Can we not just pretend that none of that ever happened?" She sighed. "That was the deal, it was a one-time thing and we were going to forget it and move on." She went to leave and he put his arm out to block the doorway, meaning he was stood even closer to her. She could feel his warm breath on her neck as he watched her.

"We could…. But I'm not here because I'm trying to sleep with you again." He said slowly.

"Then what do you want from me Link? She snapped, glaring at him. "Because if you're trying to make me regret that night you're going about it the right way."

"I'm worried about you, Amelia." He sighed in exasperation. "Is that a crime?"

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm fi-"

"Are you really though?" He cut her off. "Because you practically jumped me at that conference, then you kicked me out in the middle of the night and got on the first flight home. You haven't said a word to me since."

"This isn't about you Link!" She snapped, ducking under his arm and out of the door before he had a chance to react.

"Amelia wait!" He called, running after her. She didn't even look back, all he saw was the back of her head disappearing around the corner.

* * *

He was finally getting to eat some lunch in peace when Meredith sidled up beside him in the cafeteria. "Dr. Grey, can I help you with something?" He asked as she sat herself down opposite him, looking at him intently.

"Why is my sister avoiding you?" She asked.

"Maggie's avoiding me?" He asked, deciding to play dumb.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him. "Shut up, you know I'm talking about Amelia."

"Oh…" It slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"And from the guilty look on your face, there's definitely something going on… So spill." Meredith demanded.

He shrugged, shoving another mouthful of salad in his mouth to give himself time to think. "I didn't know she was avoiding me. We bumped into each other at that conference and I haven't seen her since apart from when she came to the ER for a consult earlier."

"You were at that conference too?" Meredith asked. "Alternative pain relief?"

He nodded. "I was giving a lecture."

"Amelia said it was a wasted trip," Meredith smirked.

"Yeah well, she wasn't exactly a fan of my lecture as it turns out." He grimaced.

"So you upset her?" Meredith pressed.

"No, I didn't upset her." He sighed. "Nothing happened, why don't you go and ask your sister?"

"Because she's avoiding me too," Meredith admitted.

His pager went off and he frowned before turning it around to show Meredith. "See, she's not avoiding me at all. I'd better go and see what she wants." He got up and headed for the door before she could say anything else.

* * *

"You paged?" He asked, sticking his head around the corner warily.

She was sitting in front of the computer in the CT room and waved him in. "I just wanted to let you know you're good to take her to the OR now. I did page Dr. Kim but he didn't answer."

"He's probably with Schmidt." Link muttered, rolling his eyes.

"That's a thing?" She asked, surprised.

"Yep." He nodded. "You're way out of the loop here Shepherd."

"It's not so much fun listening to the gossip when it's about you." She sighed. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd overheard the nurses gossiping about the situation with her, Owen and Teddy. She'd been trying to tune it out before it drove her insane.

"Right." He cringed. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault." She shrugged, twisting around on her chair to look at him.

"Does this mean we can be friends now you're talking to me again?" He asked hesitantly.

She shook her head and his heart sunk. "I'm willing to call it a truce, but we weren't friends before and we don't need to be now."

"I can work with that I guess." He agreed, albeit a little reluctantly. He would very much have liked for them to be friends but it was a small step and that was going to have to do, for now at least.

He stood there for a few moments, just looking at her. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" She asked eventually. "Like in the OR? With your patient?"

"Right." He nodded, still not taking his eyes off her. "I should go do that."

He still didn't move and she had to hide the smile on her lips. "Bye Link."

"Bye Shepherd." He smirked, lingering for a few seconds longer before heading off to the OR.


	3. Chapter 3

The trouble with getting your high from surgery, she'd decided, was awful low that followed when things didn't go to plan. Standing there in the OR with Link she'd felt that familiar rush of adrenaline, she'd just saved a woman from being confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. There wasn't a high in the world that could compare to that feeling. There was also nothing like the feeling she was experiencing now, knowing that her patient was going to be quadriplegic forever. She'd run through the surgery in her head a thousand times since she'd left the OR. The questions still lurking in her head. Had she done something wrong? Should she have made a different decision somewhere along the line? Her head was spinning from all the possibilities. That was how she'd found herself hiding away in Maggie's blue room. She needed some peace and quiet to process.

The moment she heard the door handle click she knew it was going to be him. She wasn't sure how he'd found her, because she certainly hadn't told anyone where she was going, but he'd obviously known exactly where she'd be. He closed the door softly behind himself, the lock turning with a gentle click, and then leant back against the wall and looked at her.

She found herself staring back at him. She could see in his face he was having all the same doubts she was about what had happened. It didn't matter how many times something like that happened in the OR, you never got used to it no matter what anyone said.

Neither of them said a word but her legs started moving without her thinking about it, crossing the room until there were just inches between them. She could feel his breath on her face as their hands intertwined, fingers locking together as though they were holding on for dear life. Maybe they were, in a way.

"Y'know." He murmured, finally meeting her eye. "What happened wasn't your fault."

Her hands tightened a fraction around his as she looked up at him. "But it doesn't mean I'm not going to lay awake all night and think about it." She sighed.

"Yep." He nodded. "Me too, that's the job."

"It's a shitty part of the job and I hate it." She muttered, shaking her head.

"Why don't you come and get a drink with me?" He asked, looking hopeful. "Take your mind off it."

She took a step back, a strange mixture of emotions crossing her face. "Recovering addict." She reminded him, pointing to herself. "Maybe taking me to a bar when I feel this awful isn't the best thing to do, all things considered."

A look of horror and guilt crossed his face. "Oh my god, Amelia I'm so sorry." He was already kicking himself for being so stupid. "I didn't think, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." She brushed it off. "I'm fine, but I'm going to take a rain check, head back to Merediths and eat some ice cream or something. Maybe some other time? I'll buy you a beer and I'll have a soda or something. To say thank you for today?" She quickly disentangled their fingers and headed for the door.

"I'd really like that." He called softly as she disappeared out into the hallway.

* * *

She was sprawled out on Meredith's couch in her pyjamas, her favourite fuzzy socks on and a tub of ice cream in hand. She'd been scrolling through Netflix trying to find something half decent to watch for well over half an hour. Nothing was holding her attention though, her mind just kept wandering back to her patients. She'd been texting her resident every half an hour for updates, praying for some kind of miracle that she knew wasn't coming.

The knock at the door took her by surprise. Meredith was still at the hospital, she'd called to say she'd be late home and the kids were still in daycare. Maggie was with Jackson and she wasn't expecting anyone. Her stomach flipped for a moment as she considered the possibility it might be Owen. She really wasn't ready to have another argument with him, not after the day she'd had.

As she reached the door she realised it was Link, and then realised that he'd already seen her and it was far too late to pretend she wasn't home. "Hello?" She greeted him warily as she opened the door.

"So I know this probably makes me look like some kind of stalker..." he said, only half joking. "But I went back home to my apartment and I was sitting there wallowing and then I thought we might as well be miserable together! Misery loves company right? Plus, I brought more ice cream so you can't say no to that."

She found herself stepping aside to let him in. It was at that point she realised she was wearing her pyjamas. "Sorry." She mumbled. "I wasn't expecting company."

He grinned at her as she closed the door behind him. "Don't apologise Sheppard. For what it's worth you're rocking those fuzzy socks." He winked.

She couldn't help but smile. "Come on in then, but I warn you I'm not very good company."

"You'll be better than my empty apartment I'm sure." He smiled. He still hadn't finished unpacking his stuff from the move. It hadn't bothered him up until today, he was rarely there anyway. There was something about coming home after 48 hours at work to a cold and empty apartment full of boxes that made him feel even worse than he had before though.

"That's a low bar, I'll see what I can do." She half smiled at him, handing him the tv remote. "Here you go, maybe you'll find something half decent because I've been looking for half an hour and I haven't found anything yet."

He put some terrible cheesy romcom on in the end, she got him a spoon for his ice cream and they sat there in companionable silence as they watched the movie. It was nice, although she wasn't about to admit that out loud, to have someone there who knew how she felt. It was the times like these where she really, really missed her brother. He would've been able to look through the notes and convince her she couldn't have done anything differently. But he was gone. Meredith tried but it wasn't the same, she wasn't sure Owen had ever really understood her when she was like this. He was all for talking and over sharing a lot of the time, especially about things like this. All she really wanted to be left alone with her thoughts, but maybe not completely alone.

She didn't realise that they'd both fallen asleep until Meredith came home, the noise of the door woke her from where her head had been resting on Link's chest. He didn't even stir slightly as Meredith walked in. Amelia scrambled to sit herself up and distance herself from him, but she didn't manage it before Meredith had already clocked them.

"So I take it you're not avoiding him anymore then?" Meredith asked in a hushed whisper.

Amelia slowly removed her leg which had somehow ended up over Link's lap and got up off the sofa. "He was just keeping me company. We had a rough day. Where are the kids?"

"In the car asleep, you can make yourself useful and carry one for me as you're up," Meredith said, already walking towards the door. "But don't think your sudden change of subject is going to distract me from the man asleep on my couch."

"We've both had a crappy day and he was just keeping me company, that's it." Amelia sighed, following her out to the car. "Nothing happened, and nothing is going to happen."

Meredith rolled her eyes and smirked. "You keep telling yourself that."


	4. Chapter 4

She was stood at the nurses station, frowning at her patients chart, when the coffee cup slowly slid in front of her. She looked up to find Link grinning at her. "Can I help you with something Dr Lincoln?" She asked, looking back down at her chart. She'd got a splitting headache and had felt awful all day. Whatever he was up to, she was certain she didn't want to be involved in it.

"I just thought you might like a coffee?" He offered, slightly taken aback by the hostility in her voice. They'd been dancing around each other, flirting nearly constantly since that night he'd been to see her at Merediths. He wracked his brain for a moment, trying to think if he'd done something wrong.

"Sorry." Her expression softened. "I'm having a bad day, didn't mean to take it out on you."

"I'll forgive you." He smiled, nudging her gently. "What's going on? Something I can help with?"

She tapped a couple of things in to her patients chart before closing the iPad and turning to look at him properly. "It's okay, I've just got a lot on and I feel like I've been hit by a bus." She decided she didn't need to elaborate on the fact that her headache had almost certainly been caused by listening to Koracick ranting about the Owen and Teddy situation. She was so ready to go home and be done with today, the problem was it wasn't even lunch time.

"No offence, but you don't look that great either." Link commented, snapping her out of her thoughts about Owen. "Why don't you go and find an on call room and try and get some sleep? You might feel better when you wake up."

"I can't." She sighed, rubbing at her forehead. It didn't do anything to relieve the nagging ache. "I have back to back surgeries all afternoon."

"Surely Koracick can do them? Where is he anyway?"

"I don't know." Amelia shrugged. "Probably with Teddy somewhere, or whatever it is he does these days." She fanned herself with a file that was lying on the desk in front of her as another hot flush hit her. She was definitely coming down with something.

Link frowned at her, pressing his hand to her forehead as she struggled to get out of her lab coat. "You're burning up. It's not even warm in here."

"I'm fine." She argued weakly, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that made her stomach roll. She'd be fine once she started operating and had something to concentrate on other than how awful she felt.

"There's no point me trying to argue with you, is there?" He sighed.

"Nope." She shook her head and half smiled at him. "Speaking of…" She gestured to the clock. "I have to get going, thanks for the coffee though."

"You're welcome." He smiled as she picked the coffee up and headed for the operating room.

* * *

"Dr Shephard?"

Amelia looked up, surprised to see Koracick standing next to her. "Everything okay Tom?"

He nodded. "I've come to finish this up for you."

"It's okay, I'm nearly done." She mumbled, rolling her shoulders to try and release some of the tension in her neck. Her head was pounding still.

"Exactly, let me finish up for you. You've been in here all afternoon."

"I-"

"Go home." Tom urged. "You don't look good and I don't want to catch something."

"Thank you." She mumbled, setting her instruments down and heading for the door. There was no arguing with Tom, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. All she really wanted was to be in her bed.

She stripped out of her gown and gloves, another wave of nausea hitting her as she turned to the sink to wash her hands. She could feel the sweat around her hairline, the heat radiating from her face despite the fact she was shivering. She loved Meredith's kids but she could really do without all the germs they brought home from school.

She braced herself against the sink as the room began to sway slightly, squeezing her eyes shut as she waited for it to pass.

She hadn't even heard the door open, the feeling of someones hand on her back making her jump. "Need a ride home?" Link asked. He left his hand on her back, from the look on her face he wasn't entirely sure she wasn't about to pass out on him.

"Please." She nodded.

"Come on, let's get you home then." He turned around and led her towards the door.

"Thank you, by the way."

"For what?" He asked.

"For sending Koracik in."

Link shrugged.

"I know it was you. Tom never volunteers to take my work from me unless someone forces him to."

"Guilty." Link admitted. "But I watched from the gallery for a bit and no offence but you look really, really terrible."

"I know." She muttered. "I feel it too."

He draped his jacket over her shoulders as they walked slowly towards the car park. Despite the fact she'd got her own coat on she was still shivering. Link left his arm around her shoulder, she was swaying slightly as she walked and he wasn't sure if he was going to have to catch her any second. He caught Owen's eye awkwardly as they walked past, trying to ignore the daggers being shot at him.

"I should call Meredith." Amelia mumbled as she climbed in to his car.

"It's okay, I already told her I'd take you home. She said the kids haven't been well. You've probably caught something from them." Link reassured, helping her in to the car and closing the door behind her.

"Yup." She agreed. "I love those kids but I could so do without the germs."

He laughed quietly and started the engine. He wasn't even out of the parking space when Amelia started snoring softly. He watched her for a moment, she face still flushed red from her fever, before heading out of the parking lot and back towards Meredith's house.

* * *

Amelia hadn't stirred when he arrived back at Meredith's house. He'd located the front door key in her purse and then managed to lift her out of the car and get her into the house, laying her down on the sofa and covering her with a blanket. He sat down beside her, allowing her head to rest in his lap and pressed his hand to her feverish forehead again. He'd stay with her until Meredith came home, just in case she needed something. That was what he tried to convince himself anyway, if he was being honest it had a lot more to do with the fact he didn't want to leave her.

It was supposed to be a bit of no strings attached fun. She'd been more than clear about that at the conference, and again afterwards. He'd thought he was okay with that, he'd agreed with her more than once and to begin with he had agreed. But the thing was, she was intoxicating. The more time he spent with her, the more time he wanted to spend with her. He'd found himself seeking her out around the hospital, just those five minutes here and there were the highlight of his day. Every time he needed a neuro consult he prayed it was going to be her and not someone else. He was entering dangerous territory and he knew it, the problem was he just couldn't stop himself.

So he sat there, watching her while he waited for Meredith to come home. He was going over and over it in his head. Was there any kind of possibility that something more could happen between him and Amelia and actually work? She'd got all kinds of complicated history going on with Owen and he still wasn't entirely sure what had happened there. He'd tried to ask her about it once and she'd very, very quickly changed the subject. Whatever it was, she'd been clear with him that she wasn't looking for a relationship. It wouldn't be fair of him to put her in that position. But at the same time, it didn't change the way he felt.

The front door opened and Meredith came in, reminding the kids that Aunty Amelia was asleep and they needed to be quiet. Link slowly extricated himself, propping Amelia's head up with a pillow and made his way to the door.

"How is she?" Meredith asked. "Thanks for bringing her home. I've been in surgery all afternoon."

"It's okay." He shrugged it off. "She's got a fever and she's been asleep all afternoon. She did say she didn't feel well the other day."

Meredith nodded. "The kids have all had it, it was only a matter of time before one of us got it."

"I'd better get going then." He said quickly, edging towards the door.

"You don't have to rush off. You can stay for dinner if you like?" Meredith offered. "I'm sure Amelia would want you to still be here when she wakes up."

He shook his head. "I um... I've... I've got a patient. I should get back and check on her." He mumbled.

"Okay." Meredith agreed although she didn't look convinced. "Thanks again though."

"It's okay, really." He smiled. "See you later."


End file.
